UWO Tank Gang


Oh goodness gracious… a hooman just saw me practicing my camouflage. How embarrassing. I just knew I could not make myself look like that seagrass in time. The colour that is has just does not come easy for me. I cannot believe she saw me. What was that flash? Did she just take a picture of me? Oh goodness gracious… how rude. I did not say you could take a picture of me. I wasn’t even ready. How am I ever going to live this down? Glenn, you are such a mess”. 



“Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is…”what is never the answer?”…in which case the answer would be violence”.  

“Some people mistake me for Elvis, because of my singing voice obviously”.

“I was hatched on the mean beams of the Skelly Jetty where life can be a real struggle for a young bird. My first attempt at flight was literally life or death and as you can see, I am a survivor. Since then I have been all up and down the full length of this jetty and many birds of all races consider me their spiritual leader. Also I know karate”

“The Stocker Preston Express reminds me of a movie I starred in. I was awesome in that movie and I saved everyone on the train while looking very cool. People like my movies, especially young people because what they are really looking for in life is justice. All this movie talk makes me want popcorn, or hot chips, or cold chips…  “

“Being a lifelong practitioner of martial arts I’m trained to remain calm in the face of adversity and danger. I can remain stoic in the face of gale force winds and driving rain. More seagulls should follow my path in life. Remaining calm in the face of sushi, now that’s a real challenge”

“I have always tried to avoid politics because most politicians I know are real dirty birds in terms of human dignity, ethics and morals”

“I hope one day I can be remembered as a poet and writer instead of just a sex symbol. Also I wouldn’t want to be known as a martial arts star. If I was known as a martial arts star I would be very disappointed in everyone. I love music. I love filmmaking. I love law enforcement. I love doing a lot of the green work that I do, the charity work that I do, and I don’t think any one bird has to limit himself to any one thing”

“I have nothing against pacific gulls, some of my closest friends are pacific gulls. I believe all races of birds can coexist on a fully inclusive jetty. Even those pacific gulls. Sometimes we may disagree or have differing opinions but don’t we all just want some of that fisherman’s squid?”

“I have friends in the CIA who tell me I speak better Japanese than most Japanese people, and they should know. Ichi biru sandoitchi onegaishimasu …domo arigato  (translation: one beer sandwich please…thank-you very much)”

“Always remember, friends are more important than money…but chips are more important than friends”


Like OMG I totally have found ‘the’ spot to be if you are a seal in the South West. Super exclusive, invite only, proper first class all the way. But shhh…. It’s my little secret. No other seal even knows it’s there. I’m like the Alice, in Alice in Wonderland. I so went down the rabbitfish hole – Cecile in Underwater Wonderland – Part 1.

And the best part….. I’m a like total Rockstar. I love all the attention. Like all I have to do is show up and it’s like full on paparazzi! Roll out the red seaweed #famous. Those Hoomans love me, and I just love all the attention. I make sure I give them a show with some rolling ‘sealwalks’, downward ‘seal’ yoga, blue ‘seal’ and sleeping seal – making sure to always get my best angle #supermodel. At this rate, my Instagram following is going to out rank any other seal in the ‘hood’. I’m the number one Instagram Seal of the South West baby! OMG I love all you guys so much.

So I’ve been like visiting the Observatory at the Busselton Jetty for like 3 years now. I’m what you would call a ‘regular cast member’ or officially the ‘4th member’ of the UWO Tour Guide Team! It’s so awesome, I was like what?? Are you guys serious? I always felt like I was all dressed up with nowhere to go, but now I have somewhere to BE! The kids and the other seals don’t know where I go. I just say ‘mummas going out for the day, be good’! Really they are like totally old enough to be taking care of themselves. I love my days at the Observatory, I play in the waves, and mediate. It’s like a ‘day at the spa’ for me. The Hoomans try to like get selfies with me and I’m totally up for it. I feel so blessed and forever grateful to these Hoomans.

Last year I got myself into a little bit of total drama queen! I had a run in with this like totally weird type stuff, I think the Hoomans call it ‘fishing line’. They use it to catch fish because they apparently can’t swim that well to catch fish and squid themselves (like ‘whatever’ #lazy).  Anyway, like it wrapped so tight around my flipper, I couldn’t get it off. I started to lose some weight, my sexy little curves, because I couldn’t swim as fast to catch my takeout. Stupid dumb fishing line! The Hoomans helped me and eventually it came off. I’m such a queen #drama. 



Well hi you all!

My name’s Dolly and I’m a nudibranch. What a funny ol name. What does it mean? Well nudibranch means ‘naked gill’ in Latin as I wear my fabulous feathery gills out there on my back. I’m a pretty little thing but you will have to look close to spy me. I’m teeny tiny! While you may be looking for me, I’m looking right at you Hooman. I see you, look alittle closer my little petals! I’m super special and super pretty. But don’t let my glamerous appearance fool you, I pack a punch for my size. I’m super toxic and taste awful so don’t you be thinking of eating me! I come in many different shapes and sizes, goregous colours and patterns, well I’m just like a like underwater butterfly – a rainbow of colours. So hoomans, don’t be shy, come on in closer and see if you can spy me. Don’t worry, if you are looking for the small things you don’t have any chance of missing out on those big things that swim on by. The ocean is full of us weird and wonderful little creatures for those that take a closer look. I spy with my little eye… let the game begin! 


Oh my! Have you seen the new information panels in the UWO? Not that I was snooping or anything but … I saw lovely new photos, one a very flattering shot of yours truly, there’s animations and new audio gear. Now mind you I always thought those Hoomans had it easy – seeing all of us without getting wet but now … woohoo! Lucky ducks.

And just yesterday I was minding my own business and happened to peek in and saw a group of those Hoomans all wearing funny goggles. I heard that they are Virtual Reality and show us in all our glory going about our day. Well! How very rude. I mean, is nothing sacred? I could have been caught on my laundry day. They really do need to let us know when they are coming, poking around our piles with cameras.

Just the other day I was peeking in the windows and you’ll never guess what I saw. Those Hoomans were there and I heard them talking about something called COVID 19. It seems that they need to keep their distance from each other to avoid getting sick. Well I thought that sounds like a great idea. We should try it on this side of the windows. We can distance ourselves quite well. I mean in the words of our friend “just keep swimming, just keep swimming”. And besides, nobody wants to get too close to grumpy old Scalyfin, he bites!

I can’t imagine having no Hoomans to look at if they all got locked down and not allowed out. Remember back in 2020? It was so lonely here without them. I mean, who would we have to make fun of? Those Hoomans they are so funny looking. Not a scale or a tail to be seen. Hardly appropriate attire to be seen in public.

 Oh my word! The scandal! I just peeked in the window of the Underwater Observatory and you’ll never guess what I saw. The nerve of these Hoomans, I’m just flabbergasted and I’m not often lost for words but … there’s a bunch of sea creatures painted on the floor. I saw a stingray and a cuttlefish, an octopus and a sea star. But not one single Boxfish! What is the ocean coming to? Lovely pictures yes. But not a Boxfish to be seen. How very rude!

The cutest and cuddliest of all and we are not represented. We girls come in wonderful shades of orange, white and brown. Our boys are splendid in their bright orange with that very stylish white stripe. And of course, there’s our cousins with their pretty black and yellow spots or bright blue and yellow stripes.

From now on, I’m making it my mission to be seen on every tour these Hoomans do. I’ll keep popping up, every hour, every tour. There will be no forgetting the Boxfish. Nobody puts Beryl in the corner.


Move along, move along – loitering, I won’t have it. Colonel Scully M Scalyfin here, at your service.

It came to my attention the other day that these here Hoomans were speculating about what we fish do in the stormy weather. I’ll tell you what we Scalyfins do. We stick it out to the limit. There is no slacking off for me. You’ll see all those delicate little fishies run for cover as soon as the weather gets rough. “Oh, I’m a sweet little butterflyfish, I’m too delicate to be out in this weather”. Bah! Toughen up sweetie!

Even those young, wiper-snapper wrasse, they think they’re tough, but just wait till there’s a bit of a storm, off they go running to their mammas. There is no glory in running as soon as it gets a little rough. Be like us, tough and strong. You’ll see me and my squadron in the roughest weather you can throw at us and we’ll still be here guarding the reef, making sure all in order.

No wonder I can’t abide these interlopers on my patch. If you were disciplined and stuck to the rules I wouldn’t have to run you off. Move along, move along.